Love Thy Father
by Melfina-Pan
Summary: Kenji battles with his feeling for his father. Does he really hate Kenshin? Perhaps his ailing mother can help him figure things out?


****This is my first stab at a Rurouni Kenshin fic.  The title is a little cheesy, but I couldn't think of anything else.  I thought Kenji was interesting and I wanted to explore his feelings for his father.  This was inspired by the OVA (which I love so much!).****  

Love Thy Father 

I hated him for a long time.  My supposed father.  The one that was never around.  The one that took it upon himself to save the world, leaving myself, and more importantly my mother, alone to suffer.  Mother always said it was his way of atoning for what he had done when he was known as the battousai.  I admit that his crimes were horrendous, but it was something that was done in the past and that is where those memories should remain.   

It seemed he always kept his mind in the past and never really lived for his future.  He didn't live for his family or even for himself.  It was that kind of self torture that upset me.  It didn't really bother me that he was hurting himself.  It might have had I known him better.  What bothered me was mother's cheery smile even though I knew on the inside that she was a wreck, especially after she got sick.  She smiled no matter how much pain she suffered.  It aggravated me to see her smile, knowing that father was responsible for so much of her pain.  It was unforgivable to me.  Unforgivable!  Hai, maybe I sound like every other guy that ever wanted a piece of him.  There were times when I really wanted to find him and hit him or scream at him for what he did, but mother would always defend him when I voiced my opinion of him.    

I never had a real chance to know him the way mother, Sano-san, and Yahiko-san knew him.  They knew him as the excellent swordsman once known as the battousai.  To them he was the man who tried to repent for his ways, by picking up a reverse blade sword, not capable of slaying another soul.  A man who could be somewhat goofy, but at an instant could become deadly serious.  That was the man mother fell in love with.  Who was that man that I barely knew and where did he go?  When I was young I saw him spar with Yahiko-san.  He was around to teach a boy that wasn't even his son, and yet what did he do for his own son I would always wonder.  My answer was always a definitive "NOTHING."  That's why I ran away to learn from Shishou.  If my father wasn't going to teach me, then I'd find someone more capable.

Yahiko-san convinced me to come home.  I understood a lot of the things he said about father, but it didn't remove the ill will I felt.  I was coming home for mother and that was the only reason.  When I arrived I found I was wrong about my mother.  I told Yahiko-san that mother was waiting for my father, not me, but when I saw the warm smile on her face as she greeted me, I realized that she was waiting for me to return as well.  

An hour or so later it seemed that she wanted to talk to me, something we hadn't done in a while.  I never had any respect or love for father until mother told me some stories.  She tried so hard to help me understand and I guess after a while she got through to me.

**Flashback**

"Kenji," Mother called from her futon.

            She was so weak.  It hurt to look at her and every time I did happen to allow myself to see her I would clench my fists in anger that was reserved for father if he ever returned. 

"Kenji, please sit with me for a while."

"Hai, mother."

            She smiled at me as I made my approach.  Why did she smile?  I was the son that ran away.  I probably hurt her as much as father had.  She started to talk, ripping me away from my thoughts.

"You're still angry at him aren't you?"

"Of course I am.  My feelings toward him will never change.  He could walk through that door right now with his stupid smile and I would still disregard him like the trash that he is."

            My words caused her some pain.  I could see it clearly.  Was she surprised by my words?  I don't see how.  I've always expressed my hatred for father clearly. 

"You shouldn't speak of your father in that way."

"How else am I supposed to talk about him?  Am I supposed to fall all over myself to forgive him like you and everyone else around here?"

"Kenji," she yelled.

            She hadn't yelled at me in a long time and after doing so she was thrown into a coughing fit.  I had to hold her shoulders to keep her steady.  This was my fault.  If I hadn't made her angry she wouldn't be hacking up her insides right now.  After the fit had passed I let go of her and we sat in silence.

"I've never really told you any stories about him have I," she suddenly asked.   

"Iie," was my simple reply.

            Most children who grew up hardly knowing their father want to know more.  They usually ask to hear stories, but I never did.  Yahiko-san once said that I'd rather see my father's head on a spike than hear any stories about him.  I suppose that summed up my feelings nicely.

"Can I tell you some stories?"

"Mother I don't think I…"

"Please Kenji.  I want you to know what your father is like."

"You don't need to tell me what he's like.  I already know."

"But you really don't know.  The man you know as your father now is ill.  He has been ailing for a long time and it has taken away much of his spirit.  You may not realize it, but you have inherited his fighting spirit."

"Please don't compare me to him mother."

"Do you hate him that much Kenji?  Your own father?  The man whose blood runs through your veins."

"I didn't ask for it or the chance to live in this world.  It's clear that he didn't want me to begin with.  Otherwise he would be here and he would be a father, not some reclusive rurouni."

            She looked down at her lap and I looked away from her.

"You're wrong," she said.

            I looked over at her again and she stared into my eyes.  The seriousness of her expression made me feel uneasy.

"Your father was ecstatic when he found out that I was with child.  He smiled through out my pregnancy even when my moods changed and I craved strange foods.  During the later months he was constantly at my side waiting in anticipation.  He would sit and tell me all of the things he wanted to teach you.  Whether you were a boy or a girl he had plans."

            I smiled when she talked about the mood swings.  When my mother was angry everyone ran, including my father.  Yahiko-san told me once that my father always used to say how scary she was when she was mad and that he would gladly face a hundred samurai instead of her.  Truth be told, when I was younger I thought the same thing.  She even struck fear into Sano-san's heart and he could usually face anything.  

"During your birth your father was right there beside me, even when I threatened knock him senseless for causing all the pain I was going through.  He still let me hold his hand even though I would grip a little too hard with each contraction."

            By this time was chuckling a little.  I could picture Megumi-san trying to coach mother through the birth and my father screaming along with her as she crushed his hand.  I almost felt sorry for him.  Almost.

"I think the most touching thing about your birth was when your father first held you.  He was driven to tears."

"Tears?  He cried when I was born."

"Hai."

"Why would he do something like that?"

"He never really told me, but I think I know anyway.  You see when your father was young he killed many people, destroying life.  I think that holding his newborn son made him realize that he had a hand in creating a life and it made him so happy to be a part of that.  So you see, he was glad that you were born."

            My father had cried when I was born.  I couldn't believe it.  It made me feel better to know that, but it didn't change the fact that he wasn't here now to comfort my mother during her illness.

"If that's true then why was he never around?"

"Though your father had put down his sword he still wanted to help people.  So many people were suffering and he wanted to help."

"He wanted to help others?  What about you?  After all he was the one who gave you this wretched disease."

"I allowed myself to contract the disease."

            Suddenly the world stopped.  She allowed herself to get sick!  But why?  Doesn't she know that she'll die?

"WHY!"

"Your father punished himself for a long time.  He still carries pain, not just physically, but also emotionally.  I wanted to share in his pain so that he wouldn't carry the burden alone."

"And he let you do that!  That baka!"

"If you want to blame anyone for this, blame me not your father.  I thought that if I did that, then maybe he would understand that part of loving someone is relying on them for help as much as they rely on you.  Then he would see that he never had to go through the pain alone.  I wanted to be a wife in every sense of the word, through good times and bad.  As his wife I must help him carry the weight.  He was against it from the start, but I convinced him.  This was my doing.  Your father spent so much time protecting me and it upset me that I couldn't do the same for him.  Sharing his pain was something that I could do."

****Well that's it for now.  Thanks for reading ^_^.  Kenji's flashback is still going.  Kaoru's gonna be telling him some stories about Kenshin.****  


End file.
